Parent of a non-compliant teen

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum, but wanted to vent and maybe get some suggestions.  My 15 yr old girl who was diagnosed last year, and seemed to be following a good regimen, has rebelled.  She is on lantus and short acting, and some days, only checks her BG once, doesn't take her insulin when she should and is exhibiting an "I don't care" attitude.  It is very frustrating and her mood swings because of her high and low sugars are very trying.  Any suggestions?  Is anyone else experiencing this? Thanks

Hey there Dixie (is it Dixie?),

We have a couple families in our community that we're pretty close with that are going through this.  From what I understand this is way more common with girls than it is with boys (not to say that it doesn't happen) but at our clinic there is a pamphlet that says that almost half of teenagers will do this.  It's also more common for teens that are diagnosed with the disease, versus kids diagnosed while still young.

It's tough enough having to deal with a rebelling teen (my wife thinks even harder with girls), but to have a health issue in there as well makes it difficult.  I suppose the same thing goes with anything when they put themselves at risk: let them know you care, you are willing to help and make sure they have someone to talk with.

Our endo is great for correcting teens, by accredation of the parents we know from our clinic, so maybe a visit to a doctor?

I think the important thing as a parent is to recognize that you might not be the one your daughter needs to hear from.  It goes against everything you want to do for them as your kid, but the reality is that if they're not listening to you they need to hear it from somewhere.

Is there an older sibling that understands what is going on, or maybe another parent-figure in her life that could talk with her about the importance of self-care?

Don't feel as though you are the only one going through this, and don't feel as though you are doing anything wrong!

Thanks James,

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one going through this.  I will make an appointment with the doctor, and maybe enlist her older brother, whom she admires. 

Yours,

Dixie

So good to hear that there's an older brother there.  Best of luck, Dixie, to you and your daughter.

Cheers,

My goodness you are not alone! Take a look at the sick of diabetes group forums and you'll see sooooo many teenagers sick of their diabetes. These kids have had it, just as we have, but they are teenagers and express it differently. The desire and need for control varies at all ages and can be relinquished by the parent to differing degrees at various ages. Most teenagers make their own decisions. We as parents are there to educate and support them through good and bad decisions. Knowing that a teenagers (neurological) development of discernment is still in situ, communication and involvement is more important then when they were toddlers! This becomes extremely complicated with a Type I teenager. Logically, we know that she simply can't make such a poor decision because we as parents know the damage that she is doing to herself. Yet, we know also that she is going to do this to herself because she is not with us 24/7. So the answer may lie in what is going on with your daughter psychologically. How can she be made to feel like she has "control" and some kind of decision making power but also maintain good, tight glycemic control? She is working through something right now and "you need to get to the bottom of it". God bless you with the difficult time you will have doing this! Use all the support systems you can get; family, (her) friends, endo, primary care provider and psychologist/counselor if needed. Also, read some of the blogs to see what other kids are saying so that you may be better prepared to talk to your daughter about this directly.

Thank you.  I am thinking of taking her to a counselor.  Unfortunately, she is resistant to that too.  So, I will have to be creative in figuring out how to get her to go.  Have a Happy healthy New Year.

I can soooooo relate to what your going through only my child is still a child. She is however a in the pre-teen stage and is completely driving me up the wall.  Sarah has always been very mature for her age which is making things a little more difficult at this time in our lives.  We have started seeing a psycologist at Joslin and the 1st couple of meetings have been ok.  It's really hard when I'm working all day and she's left to the care of her school & after school program.  The teachers there do try to keep on top of everything but they are not her "parents" so it's not that easy.  I'm just hoping life will get easier and a cure will be found soon!!!

Anyway, I wish you and yours a very happy and of course, a very healthy new year!

Trish

a/k/a

Sarah & Lauren's Mom!

I have a 16 yr old son that has been like this for a few yrs now.  Also looking for help.

Hi everyone - I am new to this forum too, and having some of the same problems.  My 16 y/o daughter was dx'ed when she was 5, and has always had reasonable good care.  Since she turned 15, everything has changed.  Her attitude became horrible, she began skipping school, she experimented with drugs, and she developed very oppositional behavior towards any type of authority.  She has been in counselling for about 2 months now, and we are slowly starting to see some improvement.  I feel like I have been through the wringer emotionally.  We have always been a very close-knit family, participating in lots of sports and activities, vacations together, and I have always been very involved in my children's lives.  Her A1cs have averaged around 8, so although not in horrible control, it's certainly not as good as it should be.  She began experiencing problems in school, and is now homeschooled.  She was very active in sports, so now I worry about her lack of exercise.  I could go on and on about all of things I am concerned about...that's why I came to this site.  Her counsellor suggested it, and here I am :)

I can relate....my daughter has developed very oppositional behavior towards me and also towards her father when she is with him.  I wish I could get her to counseling, she refuses.  At this point I'd be happy if she got onto this website and spoke to other teens with Type 1, but she's adamant about not discussing her diabetes with anyone.  She was diagnosed over a year ago, and by now I thought she'd get around to seeking out others in her situation, but it's not even close.  I live with the stress that my daughter can not be trusted as to checking her BG when she says she does, or taking her lantus nightly.  Talking with other parents here is my only therapy.  I just wish I could find a way to get my daughter some help without so much resistance.

Good luck and hope you attain some peace!

I cannot even begin to relate since my son is a fairly compliant three year-old.  But with that said it seems like a lot of psychological pain is going on through the fault of no one.  It has got to be tough to discover type one later in one's life when you remember what it was like before.  And being a teenager is so hard as it is!  Teenagers, I know and remember well go through that stage of, "I know everything and no one else knows anything."  So even great, involved parents can seem like they do not have the "right stuff"  A psychologist, primary care physician, or the endo should be able to step in and help.  If that does not work than it is sort of like a drug addict, unfortunately they have to literally hit rock bottom, realize they have a problem and then decide themselves to take the right steps.  I was a very rebellious teenager and played with my life too much, but I had to come to that realization on my own terms.  I am getting off on a tangent I know, but friends of your children, family members, whomever.....should be able to help get your message through (the parent or parents).  I do not even know how scary it must be to watch, but your love, support, etc. will win the battle!  I do not pray but know that I am thinking about all the parents out there with a non-compliant teen.  I wish you all the best and hope things turn around for your sons or daughters soon!!! 

Oh and I should also clarify...in no way shape or form am I saying that diabetics are drug addicts or even making a comparison at all to them.  I mean no offense to anyone at all and just meant that the pain that is felt or what these teenagers are going through is major and has to be realized by the individual first to have any sort of "turning point."

I wish you the best of luck - we pretty much had to make going to the counsellor a condition of having any privileges at all.  She didn't want to go, but agreed, and I do see some improvement.  But whenever I am so foolish to think everything is going well, we seem to have some type of big blow-up - like tonight.  Another parent called to tell me that my daughter's myspace had some really inappropriate stuff on it, and when I talked to her about it and told her we needed to go through her myspace and delete anything that was not appropriate - she went off! She threatened to leave, in which case I told her if she walked out the door I would have no choice but to call the police.  I told her ahead of time I would not ground her or take away any privileges; I just wanted to go through with her and delete certain things.  After much coversation back and forth, she reluctantly agreed, and we went through and deleted stuff together.  But she feels like I was out of line and invading her privacy.  I explained to her I love her and care about her and what she does, as well as what people might think of her.  We ended up going to get a slurpee together, but to top it off, her blood sugar was 515 before the slurpee.  I sometimes wonder if we would be having these same struggles if she did not have diabetes, and I really think we would.  Diabetes just makes it worse.  I read someone else's post about having to hit rock bottom before you can begin to pull yourself up, and I agree with that theory, however rock bottom for a teenage girl with diabetes can be fatal, and I don't think I'm willing to let that happen.  This is my only therapy too - I can't afford to pay for my own therapist and her's too lol!  Sometimes everything seems so hopeless - I have other challenges in my life too.  But ususally after the tears stop, and I write a little and pray a little, I always feel better.  I am generally a very upbeat person who is very optimistic, but this struggle really gets me down sometimes.  Thanks for listening.

No offense taken - I know exactly what you are saying.  I agree with the rock bottom theory, however rock bottom for a teenage girl with diabetes can be fatal, and I don't think I'm willing to let that happen. I'm also afraid that rock bottom could mean severe depression for her, and that scares me too. 

I sincerely hope that it is obvious that I do not wish rock bottom for any diabetic.  I truly hope that someone or something (non-emergency) triggers these teens into not wanting to hurt their bodies anymore.  I also think in my limited experience and time with this that since they may or may not be testing and/or giving insulin that they tend to the hyperglycemic side...which from my basic understanding you have a little more time to handle before it gets to emergency status.  Probably stuck my nose in a little far on this one...but really, I wish the best to all!!!  Maybe my nonsense inspired a few..."Oh my god, what an idiot (giggles on the dark inside)" or something to that effect.