I recently had been struggling with daily injections. Not only the injections, but the part where you are supposed to "take-as-directed" part.
Since the holiday season had begun (circa November 1, 2010), I started neglecting my need for insulin. I would eat whatever the hell I felt like eating and not take my insulin.
I stopped checking my blood sugars. I started taking less and less insulin.
When I went home for Christmas, my family was in shock - I looked so "great!" I had lost 10 pounds since Thanksgiving and had the envy of my sister and mother. Their praise made me feel so good, so I went 3 days without taking insulin. My kidneys hurt. I was so thirsty. Food didn't even sound good because I was so sick. I was waking up in the middle of the night with painful muscle spasms.
Did I care? Not enough to stop messing around and get back in the driver's seat.
As I was packing my things and getting ready to make the drive back to Columbus, my dad cornered me. "Are you taking your insulin?" he had asked me with worried eyes.
Of course, I couldn't lie directly to his face, so I continued packing and put on one hell of a convincing performance.
On the way back, I stopped five times during the two and a half hour drive to use the restroom. That was because I couldn't stop drinking water. I was so thirsty! I would drink 44 ounces roughly every 10 miles.
Once I made it to my apartment, I unpacked and took half of my insulin doses. Of course, I woke up every 2 hours during the night to satisfy my thirst and use the restroom.
This continued until today. Today, I took that first step towards admitting I have a problem.
I skip my insulin to lose weight. This has been an ongoing problem since high school. I currently weigh 158 pounds and when I started neglecting my diabetes around the holidays, I weighed 170 pounds.
I am 5'4" and am technically the "fat" kid in my family, so I wanted to gain acceptance and praise for losing weight. I haven't told my family members (let alone my endocrinologist) what I had been doing (although the 9.7% HgbA1c should have given it away on January 3rd at my appointment), so it feels good to be able to admit this on Juvenation, in the presence of all my type 1 friends.
I called a local inpatient/outpatient clinic for eating disorders and spoke with someone about my problem.
My first appointment with a registered dietician is January 27th at 7:00 PM. I haven't had any formal education on juvenile diabetes since my diagnosis in 1990 - and what I learned was secondhand through my parents.
I am excited to learn new ways to eat healthier and exercise better. I look forward to changing my bad habits; I am just scared they will not stick and I will "relapse."
Hopefully, with luck and well wishes, I will be on my way to a healthy 2011, complication-free.
I love this post, and your honesty.
The road may look long and difficult, but we're all here - walking it with you.
We are here for you Meghann. I am so glad you decided to look into getting help for yourself. The first step is always the hardest. You've already done an amazing job and earned my eternal respect. Good for you!