Hello.

As Aerosmith said, 'back in the saddle again.'

There are certain points in a life fraught with dilly-dally and pitter-patter, raindrops down a single pane, where one must decide where to go and what to do.

Oh how vague, Mr. Reed!

To get to the specifics then....

I went to the doctor today, and a few days ago, I set up two appointments - one for endocrine (the diableedsme) and one for a little psychiatric eval. My doctor and I, whom I have not seen for 4 months or so, do not go into the specifics of my ever-ailing mind. I usually just mumble something like, 'garble garble I'm a filthy, hot mess grumble bumble.' Anyway, I'm going to see the psychiatrist sometime soon.

I wrote a post a long time ago (relative to certain time-space paradoxes inherent in subjectivity). I seem to remember positing that diabetes had a direct link to psychological disorders, and while I do not relinquish my position here, I might like to amend it just a little.

You see... I've had ample time to settle my issues with the disease. I've... gotten over it. I can control it and that's final. Why make a bigger deal of it than needed?

But, lately, I've chosen not to control it. For the past year, I've gained considerable ground in my health, but it's not a daily situation. Why choose not to handle it? Well, I've been depressed, lacking all motivation and care for my own self. But, the depression does not seem to stem from the diabetes anymore - the anger and hatred I held. No, it's just me. Just my own lack of will or something like that.

I'm ready to be healthy and ready to fell alive again. I've got a son that needs me and I'd like to be around for him. I've tried turning it around by reminding myself each day that it's important that I take care of myself so that I might be able to take care of others. It's important to keep my mind healthy and deliberate, so that I could fulfill whatever potential might lie within me. Yet, I've always been better at taking care of others than of myself. 'We're never good at taking the advice we're so adept at doling out.' Again... something like that.

So what is it? Have you dealt with something like this before?

This article is perfectly brilliant - Diabetes, Depression and Stress  Calm yourself and remember that today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. Nothing more, nothing less - but remember, each moment today is precious and tomorrow cannot happen without the recognition of those moments.