Any suggestions for how to deal with an unsupportive spouse?

 And by unsupportive I mean, does not want me to have the Omnipod, says it is too expensive and I don't really need it since I've already been giving myself shots for 28 years so why not just keep doing it.  Does not want me to get CGM, again, too expensive.  Says I am being selfish.  Makes me feel guilty for all my prescriptions, dr appmts, co-pays, high insurance rates, yada yada yada....... Says having type 1 isn't really that big of a deal and doesn't think I need help, support, new equipment.  Says it's not as hard to live with as I say it is.  

??????????????

You need marriage counseling.  Any good marriage is built on loving and helping each other out.  Life is too hard to not have a supportive spouse. 

That doesn't mean he's a bad guy and you're an innocent victicm.  Any problems in marriage are created by both of you and need to be addressed by both of you. 

As a starting point, you may want to seek out a good book called "The Four Seasons of Marriage" by Gary Chapman.  I read it after my husband and I had gone through a difficult time and had saved our marriage with the help of counseling.  The book has been a good encouragement to me to keep making our marriage a priority.  See what you think.  http://www.fourseasonsofmarriage.com/

I would agree with jenna, that it seems you need marriage counseling - this is not a diabetes issue.

I just attended a marriage retreat called A Weekend to Remember  (go to www.familylife.com for more info) they have them all around the US. It may be a good starting point. Yes, it costs some money, but investing in your marriage is a lot cheaper than having it fall apart.

I'd say, "excuse me for wanting to control my disease to live a long and happy life with you a**hole!". Stick him with a needle 3-4 times a day and see how he likes it.

jennagrant

That doesn't mean he's a bad guy and you're an innocent victicm.  Any problems in marriage are created by both of you and need to be addressed by both of you. 

It is true that this does not necessarily mean he is a bad guy.  But don't buy into the notion that ANY problems are created by both of you.  That gives you partial blame and that may not be the case.

Take care of you the way you think is best for you.  You may not be able to get him into marriage counseling.  But you've got to do whatever you think is best for your diabetes.  Was he always this nonchalant about your diabetes?

When I first was considering getting a pump, my husband acted wierd about it too.  After talking about it on and off for a few months, it turned out he was worried that it would bother him 'in the bedroom.'  In the end, I got the pump and he got over it.  As others suggested, marriage counselling might be good for working through the guilt-tripping issues.  But as for how/when to get a pump, you need to do what's best for you even if that means on your own. 

** i do not know anything about your life or will not judge you**

But to me i've heard the Omnipod is quite expensive. Which i could understand from a point of view as "My goodness we will spend so and so dollars for you to have that", BUT in all those are some of the best pumps in the world as one can do literally whatever one wants. I would simply tell your husband the PRO's and CON's of the pump. To a guy money is something that needs to be spent in the right places (some guys that is) Like what one NEEDS not WANTS. But for a Pump i could understand your frustration. I personally will probably not get a pump for a long time -insertsadsaying-  But if i could get one i'd be more then happy to fork over the money to live a close to normal life. WHICH will in turn help my control myself and all.

In a guy's eye (most) Money is something that needs to be spent well, he is probably seeing the pump as another thing money will just fly out the window for. But WHEN and IF he sees how it will help you he will more then likely fork the money over for YOUR health and better well-being.

(i know i'm only 19 and not even married but just thought this would help.. x:)

-Jared

Thank you everyone!  I appreciate all your thoughts.

Angie13

jennagrant

That doesn't mean he's a bad guy and you're an innocent victicm.  Any problems in marriage are created by both of you and need to be addressed by both of you. 

It is true that this does not necessarily mean he is a bad guy.  But don't buy into the notion that ANY problems are created by both of you.  That gives you partial blame and that may not be the case.

Take care of you the way you think is best for you.  You may not be able to get him into marriage counseling.  But you've got to do whatever you think is best for your diabetes.  Was he always this nonchalant about your diabetes?

I see your point but disagree.  Even if one spouse is doing something wrong, the other person is choosing his/her response.  Especially when going into marriage counseling both sides have to be ready to step up and take responsibiliity. 

Angie,

I'd think this is probably an issue of miscommunication, and I agree counseling could help. But I have to be honest -- when I first read your letter, my initial thought was that you could be in an abusive relationship. Does he belittle your other ideas? Does he often try to control what you do? If I'm off base, please just ignore me. But, reading your post, I felt really concerned for you. Do you have a back-up plan (a domestic violence hotline, a friend's house to go to...) just in case you need it? I just want you to understand that this is not normal behavior in a spouse. In a healthy relationship, the couple would discuss the costs, etc in a mature way. These decisions should be an equal partnership, with more control given to YOU if it relates to your medical needs. I hope I'm totally off base here, though.

Sarah, I appreciate your concern but no, he is not abusive.  I have been in an abusive relationship and this is not one.  But my sister lives 10 min away if that makes you feel bettter :)  He just has control issues mostly relating to money.  I got the pod in Nov. 2010.  He just doesn't want to pay for more pods.  I know we have serious marriage issues that will probably never be resolved because if he won't pay for pods, why would he pay for marriage counseling???  Oh, I work 47 hours a week myself but it's "the family's money" I don't get to decide how it is spent.

Paying for marriage counseling will be a lot cheaper than paying for a divorce and setting up a second household.

For the health of your marriage - which directly relates to YOUR and HIS emotional health - YOU must stand up for yourself. As you recognize, this whole paying for pods issue is a symptom of much more deepseated issues.  Be respectful, but don't run away from this issue. You could be coming up with other ways to save in the family budget to help.

Yes, marriage counseling would be the best answer, but now what I really think.  Can we say, jerk. Hopefully he was just stressed and venting when this happened, but when this happens with my family/friends I let them have my unused needles and a spare meter and let them try it out for a week. Normally after the first day of counting carbs, giving shots, and testing their blood sugar they understand a little more about what I go through, but they will never fully know.

I would also relay the message in an analogy. Something like, Well honey don't we have to update our virus protection on our computer every year? Then something like, You see dear, my body is like a computer and T1D is a virus. If I don't have the proper tools to take care of the virus (aka. diabetes supplies) it could shut down my entire system and I would die. Just like new virus protection comes out every year, so do new technologies to treat diabetes. I would really benefit from this new (product name here) because of (reason you want product). *I would use the doctor card if you have it* And my doctor says....(insert doctors opinion here).Or you could use some kind of sports analogy...I don't know what type of guy he is, be creative.

Like we all get overwhelmed sometimes, so do our counterparts. You know when you two got married, he married diabetes as well. In sickness and in health. He could just be frustrated because he wants to take really good care of you because he loves you, but he just doesn't have the means to do it. Everyone on Juvenation has really good advice. Hope this helps.

If you dont have kids then give therapy a try, Get a good one too That could take trial and error. Then don't get preggars.

Time to move on if he is still a dufous. In my experience men usually get most of the blame. It took a while to find

a therapist that wasn't like that. Both people needed therapy. Mine spouse wasn't interested. 

Boy was I delirious last night from my fever! That didn't make any sense. I have the flu. 

What I meant was marriage counseling can help. It can be hard to get a good one. Go even if your spouse won't go.